“I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvelous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well” – Psalm 139:14
The room is growing darker by the minute, memories of the past are filling the room, only the voice on the phone can be heard “your legs are fat”.
…………
She sits in the bathroom holding a knife, waiting to see what part of her leg can be cut off. She looks down and sees the thunder thighs and thick calves. Hearing for the last few years many comments about them, one standing out “your legs are too fat, go workout”. Only being a young teenager, she didn’t know what to do. She was in the marching band and swam daily. So, she stands in the bathroom trying to see where to cut off the fat. This must be the only way, what more can she do? Her legs had been passed down to her from her mom, it was in the family they would say. Yet, she hated every inch of her legs. As a young girl, she wanted to be a dancer, but even the teacher looked at her and told her she would never be one because of her legs. Legs were the worst part of her body, the one part she could not hide. No matter how much she tried they were just there.
She was out of ideas for how to get rid of the fat. She had tried everything else she could. So she was left with one thing. To cut off parts of her legs. But which parts? She hated every inch.
She had to finish the job before anyone returned home. She holds the knife ready to cut when she hears the front door. It was too late, the family had returned home. She would have to plan another day. But one way or another she would get rid of her fat legs.
She packs up the knife, cleans the room and heads to greet the family as if nothing was wrong.
………….
She hears the woman on the other end of the phone calling her name. She realizes she’s not that young teenager anymore; she’s an adult. She pushes the woman’s comment off and pretends it’s a joke. Once she says her goodbyes, she puts the phone down and looks down at her legs. She realizes that her legs have never changed, they are still thunder thighs and thick calves. She does work out - she runs weekly - but her legs have never changed. They only have gotten bigger because of muscle. She knows most of her legs are made of muscle because of the running. Yet, that one comment sends her back to a time when she wanted to cut her fat off. Does she still want that now at 33? Yes, she would love to have little legs like some of her friends have. But that is not how God made her. Deep down she knows her legs are not going to change - they will still be the big legs they have always been. Even after losing the amount of weight she has, her legs never changed.
Yet, that one comment sent her back and she sits in her office and just cries. The pain from the comment just a few minutes ago combines with the pain from all the past comments. She is in recovery from an eating disorder, she didn’t need to hear this type of comment. It takes every muscle in her body to not relapse and return to old habits. Yet, she knows she has come too far in life to take a step back. She will pick herself up and keep moving forward.
Once the crying stops, she dries her eyes and realizes she doesn’t want to cut her legs off anymore. She still doesn’t love them as she should, yet she will learn to embrace them. It will take time for her to love her legs the way God made them. But she will pick herself up and not allow this one comment to take her back to a dark place. She opens her door and steps out with a newfound purpose. She will show the world that you can love your body just the way God made it. Because God doesn’t make mistakes or ugly things. God made her just the way she should be, so she will lead on that and move forward in life.
“She is more precious than rubies: and all the things thou canst desire are not to be compared unto her.” -Proverbs 3:15
There have been times in my life when comments were made to me that should have never been said. I grew up hearing “you need to work out”, “didn’t you have enough to eat?”, and “is that your second plate?”. These are just a few that have stayed with me over the years. These comments would shape my belief that my body was not pretty enough or good enough for anyone. I started to believe that I had to hide my body from the world because I was one of the biggest in my class. This didn’t start in my teenage life, it started in early elementary school. But if you look back at the 90s we had movies, shows, magazines, and books telling us how to lose weight and lose those curves. When I looked in the mirror, I had both of them. Sadly that is still the same to this day. The world is still obsessed with telling young people that having fat on your body or curves is wrong.
I grew up being bullied for my legs, I didn’t have a thigh gap and they let me know on a daily basis. I thought I would never be loved or looked at as beautiful because of this. That is when I started to cover every mirror in my life. If the world saw me as fat and ugly, I would look at myself the same. So little by little, I would hide my body and hate it more each day.
I would refuse to look at my whole body in a mirror. So the small bathroom mirror was the only one I would use. I didn’t want to see the fat legs anymore. I couldn’t cut them off and working out only tightened them. But they were still big. There was nothing more I could do to make them small.
I would not realize it until I was in the middle of it, but these comments would stay with me for years and lead me straight into an eating disorder.
Whether or not they were meant to be positive or negative, I took them as I was not beautiful the way I was. I had to change my appearance because I didn’t meet someone else’s standards of beauty. But who makes the standards? God or humans? It should never be humans, yet we allow the world to make these standards for us.
We as people should not judge someone else by the way they look. God made them that way and if they are happy with their body then we should be happy for them. Yet, we can’t see that because we allow the world’s standards of beauty to define our standards.
What makes someone beautiful? Is it the way they dress? How skinny or big they are? If they are tall or short? None of these should define beauty. Yet, we judge someone based on these things. Then we spend time, energy, and money on changing our looks so that we can match the world’s standards of beauty.
Did you know that God does not look at outward appearance but at inward appearance? It states in 1 Samuel 16:7 “But the Lord said unto Samuel, Look not on his countenance, or on the height of his stature; because I have refused him: for the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart.”
Don’t allow the world’s standards of beauty to make you feel ugly. No one can meet the world’s standards. God made you beautiful! It might not be what society or culture considers to beautiful, but you are beautiful. God took His time when He created each one of us, He knew how we needed to look. You are not a mistake and there is no flaw in you. Uncover the mirrors in your life, start looking at yourself and encouraging yourself! Start by writing or reciting Bible verses that show how beautiful God made you. Just as it states in Song of Solomon 4:7 “You are altogether beautiful, my darling; there is no flaw in you.”
The next time you want to make a comment about someone else’s appearance, check your words to see if they are negative or positive. You never know what someone else is going through in their life. Even if that person seems to have it all together, they might just be falling apart on the inside. You might even mean for the comment to be positive, however, that person could take it as a negative because of their mindset. Think before you speak. If God would not say it about you or them then you should not say it either.
“I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are they works; and that my soul knoweth right well.”
-Psalm 139:14
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